EBRIN, Lebanon: Claude and Seble smile mischievously as they recount how they met five years ago. Husband and wife, they sit on the couch in their home in the quaint town of Ebrin, Batroun, overlooking the sea, and exchange a sly look as the question is raised. They are murky on the details.
It all started one night in Djibouti. Seble was on vacation from her native Ethiopia, and Claude had moved to the country from Lebanon to get a job as a metal worker. “We were both out on the town,” Seble begins. “And I wanted a tattoo ... ”
“And I do tattoos,” Claude interjected, before they both began to giggle. “And we got married, and that’s it!”
They married one year later at a church in Lebanon, where they now reside with their two children. But they have had to overcome many hurdles to their union.
Like most interracial couples in the country, Seble and Claude consistently experience discrimination, whether in public, from institutions, and sometimes even within their own families and social circles.
Seble had heard of the discrimination against African migrants in Lebanon, and was petrified before she came. Unfortunately, her experiences here have confirmed some of her worst fears. She recalled a trip to a restaurant where she and Claude bumped into a friend of his mother.
“She said to my husband, ‘You’re bringing an Ethiopian to a restaurant!’ She was shocked,” Seble said. “He told her that I’m his wife and these are our kids. She said, ‘Do you speak Arabic?’ ... I didn’t say anything. She said, ‘You, speak!’”
Nisreen Kaj, a researcher on “Mixed Feelings,” a project which examines mixed identities and mixed families in Lebanon, said she has noticed two common themes during her research on the discrimination faced by interracial couples.
“They face a lot of discrimination in two areas: in the family and in public,” Kaj told The Daily Star.
She explained that familial discrimination can manifest itself in several ways when a Lebanese man enters an interracial marriage. The family may ostracize their son as a punishment, or may keep their feelings concealed, but implicitly offend and isolate his spouse.
Kaj added that many only accept the arrangement once there are children involved.
Luckily, Claude’s family was very welcoming of Seble.
“I wasn’t expecting [his family to be so welcoming],” Seble said. “You hear about Lebanon, how they kill Africans etc. I didn’t expect his mother to say, ‘Welcome home!’ when I arrived.”
But most families are not so accepting. Addis, an Ethiopian friend of Seble’s who married a Lebanese man, said her husband’s family has never accepted their relationship.
“When we first got together his family didn’t accept it at all,” Addis said. “They wouldn’t talk to us until we had a child ... of course they love their grandson, he’s their blood.”
Neither Seble nor Addis have found any escape from the discrimination they encounter in the public sphere. Both detailed stories of people gawking at them, and mistreating or insulting them on the street.
“The public reaction to mixed heritage couples is just awful. I haven’t heard one positive thing,” Kaj said.
“[People] almost exclusively express unhappiness at mixed unions ... especially when they involve women from the African continent.”
Kaj added that many women in mixed marriages told her that people often think they are their husband’s “girlfriends,” implying that they are prostitutes.
The perception that an African woman walking alongside a Lebanese man must be a sex worker plays into larger Lebanese stereotypes of African women, stereotypes which are often perpetuated by the media, according to Kaj.
“[African women] are sexualized [by the media]. They’re [portrayed as being] overly sexual. They’re uneducated, dirty. They’re ruining the moral fabric of our society. This is another reason people don’t want their sons to marry these women.”
Furthermore, while having children can often end familial disputes over the marriage, having a child of mixed heritage in Lebanon presents its own series of problems.
Addis’ son was rejected from several kindergartens in Jounieh due to his mother’s race. “Just because I am black they wouldn’t let him in,” she lamented. “They don’t want the other kids to mix with him.”
“Some kindergartens accepted him, but then kept delaying the date on which he could register.”
Although Addis’ husband complained, he was told that pursuing the issue would be futile.
The severity of institutional racism indicates how deep-rooted the problem of discrimination is in Lebanon. Kaj noted that there is a lack of sensitivity training in Lebanese institutions, and no procedures are in place to report discrimination.
“[Discrimination exists] in the policing system, the educational system and across social systems,” she said. “[There is] no way to fight back against race-based discrimination, it just doesn’t exist.”
After 10 months of living in Lebanon, Seble decided to return to Ethiopia. She had had enough.
“The incidents piled up, things that you can’t forget. I was done. I told my husband, ‘Let’s go and live in Ethiopia,’” she recalled.
He eventually convinced her to come back to Lebanon. Since then, she has developed a number of coping mechanisms to deal with the racism. She has also found a source of refuge in the community.
By searching through Facebook for women with Ethiopian first names and Lebanese last names, Seble contacted and formed a small group of mothers – including Addis – who are in similar situations.
They meet up once or twice a month and are always in touch via their WhatsApp group.
She’s also learned how to deal with harassment on the street.
“Now, I know how to deal with those people. I don’t let them say whatever they want to me or treat me however they want,” Seble said. “I’m not scared of anyone.”
Original: http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Lebanon-News/2015/Mar-06/289791-mixed-couples-face-widespread-discrimination.ashx